Go forth and fill your libraries with media.
Seriously, thanks to everyone for being so amazing and patient. You are the reason I love Vox.
I was just told that the Amazon Conduit will be fixed by tomorrow. I will post here as soon as I get word that it's back up and running.
I know this has been frustrating and I am sorry there wasn't more I could do to make it less so. I really appreciate your patience though.
Cheers,
Where do we begin? I read several online blogs and newsletters and I got this from a newsletter today and thought OMG this is exactly what I feel..I have been through this and I learned from the exp., my story was very similiar to this and it was the hardest thing I ever did and will NEVER do again unless things are absolutly right...and that may be never lol .....I always have put my man first and its the way it should be..work as a team. I had to post this...enjoy. (barb lol i feel another email comin from you )
I have heard the argument before and I've been in this argument before (usually from biological parents) that if a single parent gets married then the kids need to be first in the parents life. But usually the same people will also say that the best thing for kids is to see their parents putting each other first.
What that logic tells me is this: When a man gets married for the first time he is expected to put his wife first, even after they have children. Then this man and his wife get divorced and suddenly his kids are his first priority. Later the man meets a woman and gets married, he doesn't have to shift his priorities. His new wife is less important than the first was because the husband doesn't have to make this wife his first priority this time around. What's their marriage going to be like once his kids move out? If their marriage is indeed still intact. Statistics show that marriges where the kids are given higher priority than the marriage do not last. Also, I don't see why the second wife is less valuable so that she should have to take second place when the first wife was given first place in this man's priority list. If the new wife is in second place, what happens if they have kids? Are these kids by the second class wife lower on the man's priorities than the children by the first class wife?
It gets so confusing. If the man decided to give his wife first priority he would not be loving his chilren any less, he would be doing them a great favor. He would be giving them a loving home which is made stable by a loving marriage. The children will get to experience seeing a loving marriage first hand. If his wife is in first place she will be more motivated to help him with the children and everyone will be happier. The wife given first priority won't be resentful of her stepkids (if you put her second she will resent her stepkids) I can tell you from personal experience it does a great disservice to a child and your marriage when you put the kids first.
I have been on both sides, as a child who has been the first priority of her parents and also a stepmom who was not placed as the first priority in her marriage. I can tell you that from both perspectives it sucks and I was miserable both times. Thankfully, now my husband has me and our marriage as the first priority and I am overall a lot happier. Putting me first doesn't mean that he ignores the needs of his child or always chooses what I want over she wants, nor does it mean that she's being neglected. She's very happy when she is with us and she treats me great, probably because she sees her dad treating me so well. She knows that she is loved.
When I got married I felt more like it was them and me. They already had their bond, they had all their routines, they had all their memories, they already had their whole life. It felt more like they were a couple and I was an outsider. I came into the home (and we moved into a new place, nobody was infringing on anybody's "territory") and they totally expected that I would just know what all their routines were and just fit neatly into their little world. Surprise, I had my own ideas, my own ways of doing things, my own routines...and I did not fit into the cookie cutter that they had been expecting. I was made to feel like a bad person because I was different, I was made to feel that my ideas and the way that I do things were not just different, but WRONG.
It all felt so wrong to me. It felt wrong that my HUSBAND's bond was stronger with his daugther than with me, his wife. It felt wrong that I was constantly being made to feel like a bad person for being different. It felt wrong that my husband let his CHILD have more of a say in household matters than I did. It felt wrong that *I*, his wife, was expected to just go along with what the two of them wanted when he never made *her*, his CHILD go along with any plan that he & I had made. If she said no, then we didn't do it. If I said no, I got scolded. It felt wrong because it was wrong. You aren't supposed to give your child everything that they want while treating your wife like a child!
When we marry a man with kids, the natural order of things is already messed up. The natural order is that the husband and wife spend some time together to get to know each other and to bond and forge a strong relationship. Then when the kids come along, the husband and wife are united and both get to start with the same children at the same time and they are able to help and support each other with the children and the children learn to love and respect the husband and wife at the same time and get to bond while they are babies. (Yeah, I know, in a perfect world.) We stepmoms miss out on all that and our marriages are off balance, at least for a little while, because of this because the order has been messed up. We have to work and fight for our bond and relationship with our husbands and we have to work and fight ten times harder for a bond and relationship with our stepkids...if we even want it!
My husband and I both learned a lot about priorities and have learned to put our marriage in the right spot in order to make the whole family work. It has just taken a lot longer than it would have if we were a "normal" family.
Bad news. As many of you have probably noticed, the Amazon Conduit was not fixed in the last week's release. Unfortunately, there was an undetected bug that is preventing the conduit from working.
We are working on this bug fix and hope to have the Conduit back up and running this week.
I will keep you posted.
Thank you for being so patient.
Blog Action Day is every October 15th, when blogger are asked to post something about a single issue to show our strength and conviction as an online community. It's a great way to feel connected to the greater good, and the participation of so many bloggers to support the world's leading non-profit organizations is something you can do to help, right now. By blogging today, you're supporting some of the world's leading non-profits and sharing your voice for change.
This year's topic is climate change, and we'd love to read your thoughts on the topic. If you participate, leave us a link to your post in the comments, so we know to check out your post!
Go to www.blogactionday.org to learn more, get a badge for your blog showing your participation, and see some ideas for your post on climate change.
Can't wait to read your posts!
~ daisy
As I laid in bed last nite, I thought about how long I have wanted to write this blog, I'm no expert and these are just my thoughts and I appreciate any kind of feedback from anyone , if u agree or disagree...I had so much on my mind and I got to thinking what do women want or need out of a relationship with all honesty . Things started to pop in my mind left and right...Now as the saying goes "women are complicated creatures" and men are simple creatures. I do not fully believe that. My friend and I were talking last week and she said "men are happy if you give them food and a blow job everyday" ...I don't believe that is entirely true but it does make sense to me..I think both male and females have different sets of needs that just don't match up at all and without open communication everyone is doomed for failure. Relationships, love, marriage, are so complicated!
Over time I feel like we all have a way of taking each other for granted, falling into predictable routines, this is where the novelty is replaced with predictability. Everything used to be so exciting and later it feels mechanical. This dosn't have to happen. We allow it to happen because its easier to give up the work that a relationship takes.
I think that men need to feel nurtured and appreciated, accepted and trusted. What men don't understand is when a woman is happy he will get what he needs and more. Love can only be understood in action and with action is the giving. Nothing is worse then a selfish mate (and I've had one in the past) Practicing randon acts of kindness and selfless acts can go so far!
I believe now that we can love another unconditionally other then family or children. When we truly love another without condition we help them feel secure, safe, validated and worthy. It makes it easier for somebody who feels this to cooperate, contribute, and have self discipline...
Love doesnt just die, it stops from neglect, blindness, indifferences and being taken for granted. If you dont water the flower it dies! Once loves starts fading partners seen to give up instead of trying to water it. Some men start out a relationship "courting" or I call it prince charming phase doing all those little things we LOVE! We fall in love and it stops! Women fall for this because we need to feel fulfilled which means feeling loved and appreciated. This is a true need. One or two expressions will not last a lifetime.
We all have pots that need filling...over and over. Doing little things fills our pots. when our pot is full we feel loved which in turn gives the man greater love acceptance, appreciation, and respect. Lots of little things are needed to fill a womans pot.
1. She wants you to tell her you love her, no matter how many times you said it in the past keep saying it...if you neglect to tell her she will start to think you dont after awhile. (you have nothing to loose here)
2. She wants you to touch her! Why do we love to cuddle? I think it nurtures our body and spirit and we need it.
3.She wants to be your priority and wants you to consider her needs.
4. She wants to think that no other woman compares to her ..(humor me here just like does this dress make me look fat) sometimes you have to tell fibs.
5. She wants you to talk nice things about her to your family and friends.
6. She wants you to feel proud of her
7. she wants you to prove your love by doing little actions and surprises
8. she wants you to compliment her! If you think something positive about her she really wants to know.
9. She wants tlc when shes sick, she wants somebody to take care of her without asking
10. She wants a strong man, not to needy but not to independant where she doesnt feel needed at all.
11. she wants romance, court her!
12. she wants you to listen to her and have communication,
I think these are the main wants of MOST women, learning from experience or talking to different women.
A successful way to determine how much we truly care for someone is to take into consideration how high their happiness and welfare are on your priority list. This does not mean we should constantly readjust our lives for sake of our lover. However , we might be able to look within ourselves and judge how much we value our relationship by taking an honest look at our priorities.
Like I said before I am no expert in relationships, I have had several failed ones thses are just my observations of my surroundings of friends, family, myself etc. I can not honestly say what a man wants all jokes aside because Im not a man. I hope this helps better understand your woman, now go give her some love!
***jen***
and Im back. I missed my blogging and my deep thoughts posts. I moved, living in a 3 bedroom house with just my boys and very content. My new boyfriend Patrick is just as wonderful as can be and he makes me believe in love :) He makes me want to better myself and grounds me and i see big goals ahead in my future, personal goals and professional goals.
Many people find themselves contemplating goals that seem outrageous or unattainable. Some resist the urge to jump, paralyzed by their current circumstances and the life of their dreams. Others make a leap of faith into the unknown, unsure of what they will encounter but certain that they will gain more in their attempts than they would giving up. Yet when you make a leap of faith, believing without a doubt that you will land safely on the other side, you can accomplish almost anything you set out to do. A successful leap of faith requires your attention,as it will point you toward your ultimate destination.
ok so enough deep thoughts for the day....
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Some of my new masterpieces.
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thats all I have to say for the day ~~jen nay~~
The Amazon Conduit will be working again on October 15, 2009. Thank you to everyone for your patience.
Have a great weekend,
daisy, Team Vox
